Not too bad when you’ve got something to say
Well I was thinking of riping all of my blogs off of myspace but…I dont want to for some reason. so ill just give you the significant three starting with this one.
Strange how you can be so unsure at times for a multiple of things. Almost as if the sub part of your mind (dont know how to spell the damn word+) refuses to make a decision..or refuses to trust.
I would love to think that im not self obsessed but at times the sub part refuses to trust that thought. I would love to think i am not a drama lama, or that im selfless but the doubts, that probably many others experience, are there.
so here ill talk about me some more..for the hell of it.
Im one of those people that loves to have someone to show affection tward. Not in the manwhore way…but in even simple ways.. for a want that is driven by emotion which for me seems like an impossible task to explain.
If you where to ask some of the people who know me, who i am you could get several stories..or at least i feel you would.
One of them would be…a boy who pisses his oppertunities away..another could be a bitter frightened selfish sadistic bastard.
one could be a kid who strives to be different and another could be a kid who despises those who strive to be so unique…like everyone else are freaks.
one could say that im perceptive (god would i love for that to be true) some could say i was just saying that to appear not self obsessed or conceited…but trouble is that i really have no idea which voice to hear and which to smother.
At times i could really care less about others opinion on me and be comfortable with me…knowing i am not the things that i may be called but at other times I trick myself in trying to see from others eyes…i then question myself and look around me for the answer to who is controling me.
most of the time …recently that is i dont understand myself and even trying to conjure up the words that make sense and express how i feel… is a difficult task.
I have made the huge mistake of trying to shut out how i feel…and listen solely to what seems logical…and an even larger mistake is the fact that ive let myself become comfortable this way.
Emotions when excessive can be very unnessicary and irritating…im sure i can think of more than one who has seen me react to this.
but being emotionless is very deadly addictive and poisonous (cant spell).
It sucks rarely feeling thing that you should be feeling all the time.
idk
damn
my train of thought just got derailed. +)
Your very confused teen,
Zachashiest.
I would love to think that im not self obsessed but at times the sub part refuses to trust that thought. I would love to think i am not a drama lama, or that im selfless but the doubts, that probably many others experience, are there.
so here ill talk about me some more..for the hell of it.
Im one of those people that loves to have someone to show affection tward. Not in the manwhore way…but in even simple ways.. for a want that is driven by emotion which for me seems like an impossible task to explain.
If you where to ask some of the people who know me, who i am you could get several stories..or at least i feel you would.
One of them would be…a boy who pisses his oppertunities away..another could be a bitter frightened selfish sadistic bastard.
one could be a kid who strives to be different and another could be a kid who despises those who strive to be so unique…like everyone else are freaks.
one could say that im perceptive (god would i love for that to be true) some could say i was just saying that to appear not self obsessed or conceited…but trouble is that i really have no idea which voice to hear and which to smother.
At times i could really care less about others opinion on me and be comfortable with me…knowing i am not the things that i may be called but at other times I trick myself in trying to see from others eyes…i then question myself and look around me for the answer to who is controling me.
most of the time …recently that is i dont understand myself and even trying to conjure up the words that make sense and express how i feel… is a difficult task.
I have made the huge mistake of trying to shut out how i feel…and listen solely to what seems logical…and an even larger mistake is the fact that ive let myself become comfortable this way.
Emotions when excessive can be very unnessicary and irritating…im sure i can think of more than one who has seen me react to this.
but being emotionless is very deadly addictive and poisonous (cant spell).
It sucks rarely feeling thing that you should be feeling all the time.
idk
damn
my train of thought just got derailed. +)
Your very confused teen,
Zachashiest.
